Selfless Women's Day

Yes Women’s day is here again and I am reading a lot of messages, jokes on social media sitting alone in my office cabin. I know irony of social media. Coming back to women’s day, my mind is always confused about the special days whether it’s Valentine’s Day or any other, if this is a right way, why should we need a day to express our love, respect or any other feelings and it just goes on with no definite answer. But clearly if you keep a day at least you make sure you think about that topic and rest is to everyone to follow it for full year or not. So let’s leave it there.

So amidst all the good and well-meaning messages what bothered me are few words which are associated with women. As Sheryl Sandberg says there are too many stereotypes we are associated with and some are now becoming the ones modern women may not identify with. So the adjective which bothered me the most was selfless (followed by giving, sacrificing) and I asked myself am I? I repeated several times, but answer is still coming as no, a clear and consistent no. And then I have go through a lot of turmoil, the one every women identifies with, if I am a good mother, wife, daughter, daughter-in-law. And here I am struggling with the ultimate one, if I am not selfless whether I am a woman or not?

I mean come on how can I not be selfless, I sure am. I mean all that I did till date was for others isn’t it? Sure, I went to college, lived my life on my own terms, wasn’t an obedient daughter, just so that I can take care of my parents when they are old. Ah that solves, at least daughter part, and I am sure when I ask my parents about that, they will surely tell me that I was completely selfless, I mean there is no one better than me. It’s a pure selfless act.

Now let’s move to more challenging one. I have taken enough efforts to convince my husband that I am being selfless when I let him watch all the sports, I in fact keep track of major events and switch on TV when it’s time. I mean who can ask for more than that. I let him cook in kitchen so that he can take care of himself when he is away. I let him take care of kid, so that he gets that much needed work life balance. Remember, I even accompanied you to a movie leaving 6 month old kid home, that’s the ultimate sacrifice for an Indian mother, and it can’t get better than that.

Oops, did I mess up my chances of being awarded most sacrificing Mom of the year, no baby I love you. No I didn’t leave you home when I went for movie, you are always with me in my thoughts, in my heart. I just need to go out absorb all the experiences and come home so that I can be better informed Mom. That was just for you, do you see how much I learnt from that movie, Bhaag Milkha Bhaag, see how much you are running these days. Ah all my efforts are paying me back now. Let me make a list of all the other movies I need to catch up on. I know motherhood is a huge responsibility. Am I a selfless mother now, yeah baby, selfless is always a silent adjective when you say mother. Nope, there are no selfish mothers tribe, they don’t exist.

Oh no, I am exhausted with this, do I have any energy left for proving myself a selfless daughter-in-law now (that’s a tricky job). No, modern women won’t give up easily, let me make a feeble attempt at it. Try to recollect, Karvachauth? Remember, I kept a fast by eating all the sabudana items pretty fast every 2 hrs, and I made your son exercise so that he can live a healthy, long life. No? asking your husband to exercise won’t count? so I guess keeping him away from all fried food and sweets won’t count either. Gifting your mother-in-law a diet book and weighing machine? seriously even gifts are not counted, this is unfair. Let me try harder, give me few more minutes, just 1 more minute, I am sure there is something.

Okay, I give up. But I promise, by next year I will come up with a list of selfless acts in all roles or ensure that this one adjective is sacrificed selflessly by all women for women’s sake. Yes ladies, we can sacrifice and live well without that one.